Potter Hard: Welcome to the Wizarding World

The great pleasure of my adult life—the entire raison d’être for growing up and working all the time—is spending my money on the things I enjoy most. Namely: Harry Potter tourism.

Even if you don’t like Harry Potter you’d probably enjoy The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando, Florida, because it’s engineered for good fucking times. Let me explain by comparing it to Epcot, which I visited on the third day of my epic trip.

1. Incredible attention to detail.

The Epcot version of London is olde timey ye olde shitty tea shop, awkwardly laid out footie-themed gift shop, and a Playskool castle.

The Wizard World of Harry Potter London is a grimy, layered wonderland cobbled together under Leadenhall/Borough Market-lookalike with hand-painted signs, hidden alleyways, regular rumbling Overground, and spitting mad dragon.

2. The rides.

Epcot offers the WORST rides in the WORLD. Highlights include the (original) Bush-era biodiversity boat ride around a sunbleached greenhouse and a Mexican fiesta through a deeply unsettling puppet lair.

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter rides made me freak out, but in a good way—I rode the Hogwarts one twice (yay me!). And while queues were super easy thanks to our off-season visit, the waiting in line part was THE BEST part. Because we got to see Hogwarts and Gringotts in up close, excruciating detail.

3. Booze.

Other amusement parks, bless them, sort of hide the mommyjuice because there are kids. Fucking. Everywhere.

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter sells special beers, a cider, and WHISKEY at every restaurant and bar on the premises. And people go for it.

Okay? Convinced? Still with me? Here’s how it all went down:



I roped a few friends into doing two days at Universal and a morning at Epcot during the low season (according to handy crowd calendar). The timing was key—I would never go back during high season, because it would be a total nightmare.

We stayed at the glorious Cabana Bay Beach Resort because it was the cheapest spot on the premises, but I was incredibly impressed: the theme was mid-century motel, and it WORKED.

Top to bottom it was a delight, from the authentic colors to the furniture (especially the poolside setup) and the in-room toiletries designed to look like vintage VO5 and Pert. I mean the gift shop had vintage mannequins wearing 50s shorts, guys. I was in heaven. Yes the beds were hard and the sheets scratchy, but there was a huge hot tub and we ate in the bowling alley twice. So.



The major benefit of staying on the property was getting into Hogsmeade an hour before it officially opened. That first morning, we just got up a little bit early, grabbed some delicious Vacation Starbucks™ from the lobby, slapped on SPF50, and waddled over to the park on foot.

The Wizarding World is actually split into two parks (two parks = two tickets = double the money, obvs). Hogsmeade is in the Islands of Adventure, and Diagon Alley is in Universal Studios.

This is how we did two days, and it worked perfectly:

Day 1:

Start at Hogsmeade

Do the Hogwarts ride

Eat lunch at the Three Broomsticks

Take the Express to Diagon Alley

Do the Gringotts ride



Day 2:

Start at Diagon Alley

Eat lunch at the Leaky Cauldron

Take the Express to Hogsmeade

Do the Hogwarts ride again

With some other Universal attractions sprinkled in for some variety.

So. We arrived, freaked out, and then went to get some fucking wands.

It me

Oh hey oh my god! It's me!

Many things have happened: I switched jobs, I went to Harry Potter World, I'm planning England History Fuckfest Part II, my apartment looks more like an After.

I'll tell you about it, but in the meantime—if you miss me—follow me on Instagram or subscribe to my newsletter here. (You can see what it's all about in the Letter Archive.)

Okay good cool see ya.

The Harry Potter Studio Tour, and Now I'm Dead

Okay, guys. GUYS? Guys, listen up. This whole thing is about the Harry Potter Studio Tour just outside of London. Naysayers can fook right off. Spoilers lurk around every corner. You’ve been warned.

Here we go!



So. If you didn’t know, now you do: I’m a psychotic Harry Potter fan. And as a psychotic Harry Potter fan, I have had the pleasure of seeing two different Potter film museum exhibits over the years. As my three week sabbatical was drawing to a close—and this is the LAST POST, PROMISE—I wavered on whether or not to make the (essentially day-long) trek out of the city for the WB Harry Potter Studio Tour. Would it be worth it? Would I have fun alone? But on a whim, I snatched the last ticket available and got to planning.

Tip the first: if regular tickets are sold out—and they usually are, so book a month in advance—look for the more expensive ones that include an audio guide! I probably would have bought an audio guide there anyway, so I wasn’t fussed about the price. HOWEVER you do not need an audioguide to enjoy the tour whatsoever. In fact, most of it’s redundant and kind of gets in the way of the ambience of the whole thing. I was loosely using it by the end, if at all.

Tip the second: You MUST buy a ticket ahead of time since they have timed entry. I ended up getting there early and they let me in right away. I was on my own and nobody seemed to mind, but that might not be the case for everyone.

How do you get to the Harry Potter Studio Tour? Leavesden is located in Watford Junction, about 20 minutes train from Euston Station. The line is a very common commuter rail, meaning trains tend to leave at least once an hour. Euston has an army of helpful employees roaming around, so I swallowed my tourist pride and straight up asked for help. Wham, bam, done.

When you get to Watford Junction, a Harry Potter Tour double decker shuttle, which is disappointingly NOT modeled after the Knight Bus (stupid.) picks you up right outside the station for the quick trip to the experience. I think the bus cost about £2.50 round trip, and you need cash. Easy peasy.

Not expecting much, I wandered in early by myself and took a gander at the gift shop.



And FREAKED OUT. This shit was LITTTTTTT! It only got so, so much better from there.

Really guys, spoilers ahoy:

When you walk into the experience, a small room with video screens introduces you to the series and gets everybody realll hyped up. When the kids, moms, adults in full costume are all frothing at fever pitch, the wall literally opens and you’re standing in front of the doors to the Great Hall. It sounded like a Beatles concert in there.

I’m not ashamed that it was the first of very many times I audibly gasped and/or said “WOOOOW” aloud to myself.



As a group, you move into the Great Hall for a looksie. Unlike the great hall at Christ Church in Oxford, the movie set has less ceiling—but more purple light. Plus they have a few professor costumes. (Snape, sniff.)





A tour guide gives a quick rundown, and then you’re let loose to do the rest of the trip at your own pace.

I was absolutely blown away by the sheer breadth of… everything.

Basically, the experience is broken up into two parts with a little cafeteria/outdoor space in between. The vast majority of it is set up like a museum, but there are a few hilariously overpriced “rides” or activities sprinkled throughout. As a 28-year-old woman there by herself, I passed up doing the broom flying experience. What would I even DO with a CGI video of myself flying a broom over London. But I completely got my fill on examining props and reading up on all the behind-the-scenes info.









In the Mirror of Erised I see myself... at the Harry Potter Studio Tour.





Dumbledore's office was probably the coolest complete set in the first half of the experience. So many teeny little details.









The little cafeteria sells the usual theme-park grub, but it’s one of the three places in the world that sells Butterbeer. Butterbeer tastes like cream soda with some kind of sticky, solidified whipped cream on top. That’s a bingo.

As a nice bonus, the little rest area in the middle has an outside section with Privet Drive, the Knight Bus and the wonky wooden bridge from the Prisoner of Azkaban. It’s perfect for stretching legs and trying to begin processing what is happening.

Of course, NOW I see that they do an afternoon tea, so obviously that would be a huge tipo numero tres for the next time.









I licked most of the cream off my ‘beer and then boogied into the second part of the experience.

So, second half.

I loved the King’s Cross reconstruction—and getting to walk through the Hogwarts Express. After that, they also had a section filled with the paper goods and products designed for the movies. They were painstakingly detailed, and I could have spent an hour with my nose pressed up to the glass.











Two sections really blew my face off. The first? Diagon Alley.









Excuse me, would you please take a picture of me looking like I could die happy now?









I think I did spend about 20 minutes here, walking up and down and looking into every window. It felt BIG, and they really know how to twist the knife with the theme music drifting out around you. 

And the second face blowing moment was the scale model of Hogwarts.



This room was special. The castle is huge, and the room is designed to wrap around it, descending as the lighting shifts and changes from bright daylight to dusky purple. There are touchscreens that do mini tours of certain sections of the castle. Being able to see the care and detail put into every single angle of the castle was huge for me, as a fan.









It took me a really long time to work through the room, but then I went happily out and into the gift shop. Nothing really tugged at me, although I did spend several minutes deliberating over a print by MinaLima, the graphic designers. Their work is also available online, and I’ve been trying to pick out a birthday present.

I’d say I spent about 2 hours total on the experience, with 10 minutes at most on the Butterbeer break. If I’d gone with another die-hard fan and had tea, it could have easily stretched to 3 hours. A determined individual could do it in 90 minutes.

Getting back to London was a breeze, since I floated back on a cloud. Yep. Best trip ever.

Dreaming Spires

Okay, so: London. West Country. Peak District in the north. And then it was time to boogie.

We woke up, had another LOVELY full English at the inn (literally full English and scones everyday, I am not ashamed) and then hit the road for Hardwick Hall.

Here’s the deal with Hardwick, if you’ll forgive me some history for a second: The actual star of this show is Bess of Hardwick, a friend of Elizabeth I. 

She was what we historians call a “Badass Bitch.”

Bess married up four times, hitting the jackpot with her third husband. Together, they built Chatsworth. After her husband’s death, Bess married once again and ended up as the second richest woman in England (after the queen). Among other things, Bess babysat Mary Queen of Scots during her imprisonment.

The original Elizabethan house at Chatsworth is long gone, so what I visited was the more recent construction from the 17th century. But Bess’s second home, Hardwick Hall, about 30 minutes away, is essentially untouched. Bess built Hardwick as her crowning glory, hoping to get the queen around for a visit. 

SO! What all that means is that Hardwick is one of the only and best surviving Elizabethan estates, and it’s known for having a metric fuckton of glass in the façade. I think that's the technical term.

Walking around Hardwick was an interesting glimpse into English nobility from Tudor to modern times. The house and decorations were overwhelmingly Elizabethan, obviously. But the last owner of the place had lived there through the middle of the 20th century with barely any amenities. It was a little sad, seeing how she had existed in just a few rooms without much heat or plumbing.

After Hardwick, we headed back down south. To the map:

Here, we’re driving from F to G—Oxford.

I’d done a day trip to Oxford during my study abroad, but I was dying to go back and explore. Oxford! It makes me think of Alice in Wonderland and The Golden Compass and stern yet charmingly eccentric deans traipsing around on bikes. You know the type.

Here comes reality, though. Oxford is an ancient city, so there are very few hotels—and barely any parking—in the town itself. Since we only had one night there, I used some rewards points to book us a room at the Mercure Eastgate. It’s incredibly central and has parking, but nothing else worth writing home about.

We finally got parked at the hotel when I realized Christ Church College was closing in about 10 minutes. The college was founded by Henry VIII—he’s my boy. And for the VASTLY uninformed, Christ Church’s dining hall inspired the one at Hogwarts. It was closed to visitors on my last visit, so it was crucial I get a peek inside.

Mom and I SPRINTED from the hotel down cramped, cobblestoned streets. (Not surprisingly tough for running.) We cut through Christ Church Meadow, and stopped short as the doors closed. Oops. 

STELLAAAAAAAAAA

Instead, we wandered around and did hashtag TEA TIME!

Everything is absolutely beautiful in Oxford, but I definitely recommend scheduling tours ahead of time. All I wanted to do was get into the Bodleian or poke around some colleges—not possible without a guide, especially when school is in session.

But! We did manage to wander past The Turf without meaning to. After a quick dinner in the decidedly unphotogenic side of town (at Byron), we went back to the Turf for a drink and found ourselves talking to an older alumnus of one of the colleges. Mom and I had SO many questions about Oxford and the school system, which he blearily answered. I had no idea exactly how colleges worked: They’re exclusively for living and study with a private tutor, while classes are taken with students across the school. 

We had our last sleep before our last leg with the thrice-cursed car! And then bright and something the next morning, we managed to stick our dumb heads into Christ Church. It lived up to expectations.









Next time: a triumphant return to London.