Teaching English Grammar to English Speakers

Not to be a bitch, but COME ON. I've always been a bit uppity about grammar, but recently I've noticed a complete lack of common sense and knowledge about the fundamentals of this language we all speak. As the above shirt from Glarkware exclaims, good grammar costs nothing. But frankly, bad grammar completely ruins my impression of a person or a company. If I see an ad featuring bad grammar or too many (or even... um... one) exclamation point, I completely write it off.

An ad placed too close to my Sudoku today really drove me over the edge--

"Talk to the pro's!!!"

First of all, why so many !! s? Those are reserved for extremely exciting circumstances. Generally speaking, they are amateurish and silly. My Ad Copy professor practically spit out her mouthful of water when one of my classmates presented an ad featuring the headline,

"Get some in ya!"

See how stupid that looks? And it's "pros", asshole. Apostrophes are for possession (Anna's blog rant) and contractions (Don't you know?).

Your/You're: You're means "you are", something I learned in second grade. I vividly remember, in 5th grade, correcting people who used it incorrectly on their posters. Another 5th grade trick? Just remove the ' and say the word out loud-- "You are" or "I am". You'll use it properly.

Their/there/they're: There are people across the street, they're smart, their dog's name is Dave. Their also does not equal "him" or "her" when you're not sure which is which. You sometimes have to stretch and say "I don't know his or her name" instead of their. Their is plural.

Its/it's: Another major issue. "It's my cat, and its name is Bob." (It is my cat). I see this EVERYWHERE and IT DRIVES ME INSANE.

When using apostrophes, make sure they're in the right place. "I listen to music from the '60s." In fact, people should just never abbreviate or shorten anything. It just leads to problems and strife. Just say 1960s and "You are very interesting."

Smaller issues still concerning me: a person is a "who", not a "that". "Which" must ALWAYS be preceded by a comma ("I drove to the store, which was very far away").

In England, it's "towards". In American English, it's "toward".

Stylistic issues: "So" and "Since" are kind of just worthless. Don't use "that" unless it's absolutely necessary. I also tend to write fragments or start sentences with "and" and "but", but I do it consciously, and for effect. Not affect. I also use a comma before "and" in a series because I'm crotchety about organization.

I could go on and on about misplaced modifiers, where to place an apostrophe to make something possessive, and "i before e". But that would be WEIRD.