Lollapalooza

Lollapallooza Count:

-no. of male nipples seen: at least 50,000
-no. of female nipples seen: 1, when it crowd surfed past my head at MGMT
-no. of crowd surfers who went past or over my head: stopped counting after 10
-no. of cheap neon plastic sunglasses (fake Ray Bans or Kanye-style): enough to last me a lifetime
-no. of beers consumed: less than you'd think
-no. of bruises from the crowd: only one, which is a bit of a miracle
-no. of painful sunburns: just one, on my face
-no. of potstickers eaten in the shade: like at least 15
-no. of hula hoop dancers at Tally Hall: 2
-no. of times wanted to slap aforementioned hula hoop dancers: a lot
-no. of albums am currently downloading from iTunes: too many for my budget. But it's worth it.

In addition to my Count, I'd like to add my notes from the three day music/sun/heat/beer a palooza

Friday
I got into the park at about 1:30, after waiting an hour in a line wrapped around Grant Park. Some genius forgot to space out security or train people to check bags quickly and enforce queues, so the first band I saw was The Parlor Mob, rather than the other TWO I was planning on. I really like the band a lot-- they sound like Wolfmother and I had no idea the members were so attractive. This, happily, was a running theme for the weekend.

It was like Welcome to The Parlor Mob-- sponsored by American Apparel. Three of the guys were wearing the same low V-neck t-shirt as me.

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One of the few bands on my List was The Kills, so I made sure to be right up front and center when the band before them finished. I got to chatting with some people around me in an effort to keep my face out of the sun while I waited. One of the pro photographers staked out in the press pit gave me his card when I told him I get my 120 film cross-processed and that I work in advertising. His stuff is actually surprisingly good-- portraits of Foo Fighters and Britney Spears pre-bebehs.

Jaime Hince and Alison Mosshart came onstage in a flurry of cheek kisses and cigarette smoke, and they really rocked it. Alison-- in jeans, boots, a long-sleeved shirt, and a felt hat-- shockingly got too hot in the 90 degree sun and semi passed out on the side of the stage. When the photographers started snapping her, Jamie kicked some amps and then revved up the drum machine and started playing and singing by himself. It was awesome. They both finished up the set together.
The Raconteurs also made my List, so I hustled over for their set. Jack White is shockingly pretty-- like a Raphael statue of a woman. Distinctly masculine, but with a small, straight nose and full lips. Either way, he JAMMED on the guitar, and so did the rest of the band. They were appreciative of the big crowd, and a roadie somehow scaled the stage to take a picture of everyone. They also played an encore, which I think is verboten at Lolla.

Radiohead headlined on Friday. I don't buy tickets to see the headliners, because I'm usually wiped out after 8 straight hours of standing and sun. But. I still tried to see as much of Radiohead as I could before it was time to leave for the train. Their stage looked gorgeous and it seemed like the entire crowd of 75,000 was there to see them. Thom Yorke's voice is perfect live. Some kids in front of us were hanging out and being silly until the song broke into a piano solo. One of the guys started drunkenly hushing his friends-- "This is it, guys!! This is the part! Dude, shut the fuck up, this is it!"

All of their songs are haunting in a large outdoor setting. Even after I left and walked back to Michigan Avenue, the music was bouncing off the hotels facing the park and people were scattered all over the place with blankets or just standing, holding bikes, to listen.

Saturday
I made sure to get there on time for The Ting Tings. Rage Against the Machine was headlining that night, so all the devoted fans had staked out space right in front of the stage and especially around the barriers and sound booth. When the band came out, everyone stood up and then we all caught a look at the shockingly cute drummer. Everyone kind of got quiet and then some drunk teenage boys yelled out what we were all thinking-- "You're cute!"

They were really good and seemed to like being on tour and performing for us. I love when bands really love their fans and appreciate us being there early in the heat to see them. They played "Shut Up and Let Me Go" last, and everyone just kind of threw down their bags and danced.

MGMT, the best band I discovered whilst in London (they're from Brooklyn, got it-- I just downloaded their stuff there, and it will always remind me of the clubs and the iPod-fueled commute), was also on my List. I was expecting to get up a lot closer than I did, but there was a huge crowd gathered immediately after the preceeding band ended. Still pretty close but packed in tight with all the rest of the kids waiting, I settled in and tried to slyly shuffle forward. The crowd was so huge by the time they started, roadies were coming onstage to take cell phone pictures.

The lead singer told us he wanted to see some illegal crowd surfing, and then it was like a switch got flicked. At least 15 people came directly over my head on their way to the front, and tons of others went near and around me before falling or getting taken away by security. It was novel at first, and then it was just annoying-- my sunglasses got kicked off in one instance, and in another, a drunk slut went past topless because she had decided to crowd surf in a bikini.

Luckily, MGMT was on fiyahh and their set was terrific. By the time they played "Kids" at the end with only the background track, two mics, and a neon poncho draped over the lead singer, everyone was sweaty and bruised and just danced. If you pogo with everyone else, you don't get as banged up.

My pal Conor, from work, invited me to watch Spank Rock with him. It was actually pretty hilarious to see thousands of white kids break it down to lyrics like, "Shake it girl, until my dick turn racist."

I watched most of Wilco-- all of the Rage fans were on the other end of the park, so for the first time that day, it was calm. Conor told me Rage had to stop twice because people were getting crushed up front in the mosh pit. Everyone was chill and happy at Wilco, laughing at Tweedy and Co's spangled suits. They looked like Rod Stewart crossed with Elton John, or Elvis minus some of the flared pants.

Sunday
By the third day, I was sunburned, tired, and not into too many of the bands. I knew for sure I wanted to see Girltalk, Mark Ronson, and catch some of Kanye. I ended up seeing Tally Hall-- the program told me they were Beatles-esque, but the only thing Beatles about them were their nice outfits. Otherwise, the sound was more Jason Mraz and their fans were all excited and squealy. It's a total inside-joke band-- their lyrics are silly and the crowd knows every one. I watched for awhile and then got a beer.

Flogging Molly was populated by gingers with sloshing beer, so I stayed well away and enjoyed the spectacle. Everyone was drunk and waving Irish flags, and the band was super into it. Black Kids was also really excited to be there, but their stuff isn't as great live. I think they would sound better in a dark, air-conditioned club. They did try pretty hard though, which was nice of them.

Girltalk was an insane party onstage. Since it's just one guy DJ'ing, he brought out two helpers and then the VIP people backstage all came out to dance. I left for Mark Ronson about 15 minutes in, but I heard later that the stage started bending by the end of the set. "We bent the stage, guys! Congrats!"

Somehow, I got really close for Mark Ronson and I'm so glad I did. He had various guests--rappers and singers, plus a string quartet and a brass section-- standing in and doing covers and his stuff. It reminded me so much of London to see the set. Everyone in London knows Mark's face (and tight suits), and you can't open a free newspaper without reading about his exploits with Amy Winehouse or his under-aged girlfriend. I had no idea, though, how good of a guitarist he was. He also puts on an amazing show, complete with jumping around, playing the drums randomly, and chatting between songs. Another thing reminded me of London-- they did "Valerie". The Brits love that song.

The singer from Phantom Planet did a song with the band, scaling the side of the stage to climb on a huge amp. Then, as a surprise, the rest of Phantom Planet (minus Jason Schwartzman, triste) came out to do "California". I wish they had done another song, obviously, but it was completely spontaneous and I was so excited to see it.

The night ended with Kanye. His set was great, but yaaawn-- we're practically pals now, me and Kanye. He's great on stage, though, and it was a fantastic way to end the festival.